Most Rev. Joseph C. Bambera, D.D., J.C.L.
Bishop of Scranton
HOMILY
Wedding Anniversary Mass – June 5, 2011
Mark Twain offered this thought that seems particularly relevant to our gathering today: “Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married for at least a quarter of a century.” … Whether you realize it or not, given the number of years of marriage represented here today, you have been blessed with nothing less than a perfect love.
That’s a rather powerful statement, isn’t it? “You have been blessed with a perfect love.” Yet, if you are inclined to think that such sentiments are a bit exaggerated, listen to these words of Blessed Pope John Paul II, written shortly after his election as pope: “In this entire world there is not a more perfect, more complete image of God, Unity and Community. There is no other human reality which corresponds more, humanly speaking, to that divine mystery than marriage.”
What an incredible statement by the Holy Father and what an incredible reality we celebrate this day. Somehow, through the power and wisdom of God, your relationships in marriage are a reflection of God’s love for humankind.
These may seem like lofty words to banter about on a day that is as splendid as this day. They may also seem like words that ultimately have little relevance to your lived experiences of marriage for 25, 50 or more years. But I can assure you that while lofty, they are quite relevant to life.
Somebody once said that “all marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterwards that causes all the trouble.” Perhaps a better way of expressing such sentiments would be to say that in the living together as husband and wife, we find a fertile environment for living out the Gospel in an authentic manner.
Shortly after her husband of 43 years died of cancer, a wonderful writer named Madeleine L’Engle wrote a book about her marriage. In the course of that book, she shared these marvelous words: “Our love has been anything but perfect, and anything but static. Inevitably, there have been times when one of us has outrun the other and has had to wait patiently for the other to catch up. There have been times when we have misunderstood each other, demanded too much of each other, been insensitive to each other’s needs. I do not believe that there is any marriage in which these things do not happen. The growth of love is not a straight line, but a series of hills and valleys. I suspect that in every good marriage there are times when loves seems to be over. Sometimes these desert times are simply the only way to the next oasis which is far more lush and beautiful after the desert crossing than it could possibly have been without.”
The sentiments that I just shared are probably closer to the reality of your lives than some of the ideal notions of marriage that we’ve heard time and again. Moreover, I’d suggest that such sentiments are also much more closely aligned to Gospel values than we might imagine. Essentially, the key to understanding the lofty notion of marriage spoken about by Blessed Pope John Paul II is found in our understanding of something as basic as love – what we expect from it and what it expects from us.
We get a glimpse of this love from the very familiar words from St. Paul’s letter to the Church at Corinth. Listen to how these words likely reflect your lives more than you might realize:
Love is patient. Patience. What a gift! It embraces that virtue which never allows despair over the foolishness, insults and unteachableness of others – like when your husband doesn’t listen or your wife just doesn’t seem to understand. Patience – it recognizes that all of us are on a journey – a journey toward wholeness; a journey that will last our life long, a goal worth waiting to achieve.
Love is kind – a virtue of people whose goodness is only tempered by considering that another’s good and well being is just as precious as their own.
Love is not jealous. Rather, seeing the value of the human person made in the image and likeness of God, true love rejoices in the success and achievements of another. Because you are uniquely bound together in marriage, the success of your spouse is not a reason for envy or jealousy. The success of your spouse is your success as well – because you are ONE.
Love does not seek its own interests – but seeks the well being of another – loving – giving in a selfless manner – loving with the heart of Jesus. How many of you, after 25, 50 years of marriage have faced the reality of sickness and pain in your spouse – or if you’ve been so blessed – in the life of your child. Have you not at some point or another prayed that you would be able to assume the pain of the one you love and that they be spared. To love in this manner is to love with a selflessness similar to that which led Jesus to accept his cross so that we might have life and salvation.
Love does not brood over injury. True love – love rooted in the life and example of Jesus – doesn’t brood over injury but forgives and unconditionally gives another the opportunity to begin life anew freed from the baggage of brokenness and sin.
Love rejoices in the truth – the truth of our lives that emerges only when there is openness and honesty with ourselves and those we love; the truth of life rooted in the values of the Gospel for which Jesus lived and died.
In today’s gospel from Saint John, we hear the great prayer of Jesus offered in the context of the last supper just before his betrayer hands him over to be arrested. Earlier during the course of the same meal, Jesus spoke of a new commandment, so different than what was expressed in the moment of his betrayal: “Love one another as I have loved you.”
Love one another with the same pattern of life and love shown by Jesus himself. And we know the pattern of Jesus’ love. Jesus’ love is to be patient and kind; not jealous or envious. We also know it to be selfless, forgiving, committed to the truth that has been revealed by the Father, total and unconditional.
Perhaps now we begin to see that the love that Jesus has for us, his people, the Church, is a love that is given flesh and substance within our lives and particularly within the domestic Church – the family, beginning with the loving relationship of a husband and wife.
Pope Benedict XVI offered these thoughts on marriage: “Marriage based on exclusive and definitive love becomes the icon of the relationship between God and His people and vice versa. God’s way of loving becomes the measure of human love.”
In God’s plan to bring us life and salvation, he has chosen to make his presence known in several ways – in the Eucharist, in which we receive his body and blood; in the Word proclaimed in which we discover the means to salvation; and in the People he has made in his image and likeness who touch our lives and mediate to us God’s love.
Take a look at the person sitting next to you. Look into their eyes. For all that is a part of that exchange and this moment, realize just how sacred your relationship is; for all that you have been through – the ups and downs, the struggles, the pain, the joy – realize how blessed you are to have each other; and for as familiar as those eyes are, see through them to discover the face of God abiding within the heart of the one you love.
